First year of college or university can be challenging enough especially when you travel kilometers way from your own home to study in another country in an unfamiliar country, let alone having to deal with bunkmate conflicts. However , such issues are inevitable. That being said, discord does not necessarily indicate a terrible issue because ultimately, you will expand and I was speaking from my own experience. This is because through dealing with roomie conflicts, become familiar with the skill and knowledge of how to deal with this kind of issues in the future.
My personal story starts with me possessing a roommate coming from Indonesia. Although I was a Malaysian with China heritage, we all speak related languages and some commonalities when it comes to the west (between Malaysian and Indonesian culture). Because of that, I thought we’re able to live collectively peacefully with no conflicts nevertheless I guess I was wrong. I consider myself someone who is usually self-disciplined. After cooking and finishing my own meal, I possess the behavior of cleaning up cookware and kitchen products that I applied. Yet, my personal roommate has a tendency to leave his plates and stuffs in the basin after finishing his meal and often do not actually wash it after a few days. At first, when i came across unwashed and oily silverware used by my own roommate, I would personally help him wash up. However , he seemed to consider it without any consideration and would not seem to take the hint. At times he would actually leave leftover food and cockroaches would seem. Even worse, the sink would be filled with huge bowls filled up with remnants of drenched left over spots that smell so bad especially in the summer. Yet , I decided that we should just let it stay there thus, every time I see unwashed and oily silverware or dishes, I would only leave them in the basin. Occasionally, he would utilize my glass because his cup is at the basin. In fact , even though I secretly hate him for not cleaning his dishes and the reality he applied my cup and he just kept in inside the basin with out washing it, I kind of turned numbing to these kinds of a landscape because I had fashioned this belief in the first place which Indonesians will be lack of awareness of cleanliness. I think I would tolerate him and i also chose to not confront him about these kinds of issue. Until one day, it had been about being unfaithful in the night time when I was studying during my room.
My roommate knocked in the door and came in. Out of the blue, he confronted me and asked me for what reason I did not support him rinse his food for the past week. At that moment, My spouse and i felt it turned out absurdly ridiculous. I experienced that even though I helped him wash his meals in the beginning would not mean that I had fashioned the obligation to clean his food and I informed him the things i thought. I actually also informed him that people, Malaysians, usually have our own glass and do not reveal our cup with other people. The next thing I am aware is his reply infuriated me. This is exactly what he explained. “Currently, we could living with each other so you have to be aware of the surroundings, regardless if those will be my meals you have to wash it in case you see them because integrated dishwashers is a group effort. As well, it is common for Indonesians to talk about our glasses and dishes. In Philippines, no one will need to be your roommate if you are and so calculative and fuss over such trivial things. Some more, it is common for all of us Indonesians to not wash up our dishes and drop them off in the sink until the kitchen sink is full” Hearing his explanation, I used to be left dumbfounded. I was therefore angry nevertheless at the same time, Some want our conflict to be a destructive 1. An embarrassing stop ensued. That made me quit and believe.
In Malaysia, we could taught being self-disciplined and washing our own dishes is actually common sense. Similar to the value what Japanese people are instilled because they are young, which can be usually translated as “Do not trouble or provide any difficulties to the people around you”. We also keep this worth and since we could now studying in Asia, I also expected him to know regarding this. However , this was not the case. I actually told him about we all, Malaysians, tend to be considerate to others and do not love to give others troubles. In addition, we Malaysians think that posting our mugs with the other person is like sharing a toothbrush, so it is due to hygienic causes that we feel that it not suitable.
At the time, I was basically quite bothered if he’d be triggered because this was clearly a value conflict while the way of how I told him was actually quite harsh and I was a bit enraged so words popping out from me personally might be upsetting. I thought he’d be genuinely offended but instead of losing his temper, this individual apologized and said apologies. He then explained that in Indonesia, really for someone to leave their used dishes in the kitchen sink and they will not consider it filthy or unclean. They have the habit to only wash the bathroom up when the sink contains large amount. Moreover, also, it is common for another people underneath the same roof to wash another person’s dishes if she or he sees all of them filling the sink and so he took it for granted and expected me to accomplish the same although he was unaware that in Malaysian tradition, we are taught to wash our personal dishes in fact it is impolite to leave other people clean our food. He apologized again and then told me that he would modify his behavior and be even more aware as with he would certainly not use my cup once again and would not leave the laundry in the sink for more than 1 day. I as well apologized as I did not simply tell him about this ahead of time which I wound up talking lower to him and our friendship drifted apart everyday because I used to be secretly getting angry. I actually also advised him that I felt poor because in my mind I associated him with my stereotype that Indonesians are dirty. I also told him that in the future, I would help remind him if he forgot to wash his dishes again. We come to a consensus that it was merely a cultural difference and we equally let out a grin and could not stop having a laugh for the next three minutes.
Now our friendship started to be stronger and eventually created stronger you possess. After this incident, I did a few soul searching. First of all, stereotype is the preconceived and oversimplified notion of characteristics common of a person or group. Speaking of the key reason why I had this kind of stereotype that Indonesians will be dirty might be because when few years ago, I visited the Batam Islands of Indonesia with my family throughout the holiday and I remembered the streets being dirty and lots of people were inadequately groomed and seemed shaggy. Also, the toilets were stinky and dirty so far as I could bear in mind and such a sight made me bad impression and further formed my belief towards Indonesians. However , I had been wrong because stereotype disregard individual differences and belief acts as assumptions that a certain culture-specific data applies to every single member of that one cultural group. I also realized that concept of hygiene is also culturally influenced. It might be prevalent for Indonesians to share their particular cups in fact it is perfectly fine for them to leave their particular dishes inside the basin although I reached realize that this kind of cultural style is certainly not inherently correct or incorrect, and this is called the relativity of ethnical behavior.
On top of that, instead of avoiding and enduring the challenge, I think I should have approached him previous. This was since I always attempted to avoid problems that might lead to issues, which is referred to as avoiding design, or it might be explained that I had a low concern to get myself yet others and hence are likely to withdraw or deny issues. However , suddenly but thankfully, the whole thing wound up in the simplest way it could ever be even as we both went with the diminishing style, which will both of us try to find a mutually suitable decision.
Why is this important? For the reason that all of us ought to develop a sense of cultural justice, “as members associated with an increasingly interdependent global community, intercultural interaction students possess a responsibility to educate themselves, not just about interesting ethnical differences yet also intercultural conflicts, the impacts of stereotyping and prejudice, and the larger devices that can oppress and refuse basic man rights” ” and to apply this understanding to the communities in which that they live and interact. Later on, if I i am faced with the same situation, instead of attempting to stay away from the problem, I would initiate to with the other person about the condition and I guess that is the reason why I desired to learn intercultural communications to start with.
I believe that learning to identify conflicts will come in convenient in a way which will enables myself to deal with clashes not just during my daily life although also probably, in the business world. Furthermore, discovering the two orientations to discord are also vital. Conflicts are in reality a double-edged sword mainly because if it is dealt with well, clashes could become an opportunity to grow and ways to improve relationship but if taken care of badly, it could be destructive into a relationship.
Last but not least, just understanding intercultural communication might not end clashes between ethnic groups, but the importance of the necessity to learn more about different groups since ultimately persons, not countries, negotiate peace. Interpersonal connection is important, although we also have to remember that almost all individuals are motivated by disputes in the societies we are born into as well.